Chapter 9-5 Love, Marriage and Wealth

The three words in the title are lessons that no one can escape in their lifetime. To most people, they seem to be the source of human happiness.

In life, one must be both clear-minded and, at sometimes, a little  muddled. With a bit of haze in everything, one can discover many beauties within. Cultivation is the same way—when you maintain a bit of confusion, it becomes easier to see the true essence of things. I once read a quote: "Those who live in a little muddled state tend to find happiness more easily; those who live with clarity see things too clearly, which makes life full of worries; yet those who are living in simplicity and roughness, thereby often discover the great flavors of life." To gain something, you must lose something. Such is life!

About Love

The interaction of yin and yang is called the "Tao", so men and women in the world cannot escape the word "love".

The person whom your soul "recognizes" at first glance is not a coincidence; it is undoubtedly the result of karmic connections from past lives. However, the outcome between you two, the rise and fall of the relationship, also does not entirely depend on personal will; it might have been predetermined in the script of life from the beginning. Relationships have their origin and end, all with a predetermined course. Sometimes, even if both of you put in your utmost effort, the relationship will naturally fade away; sometimes it will transcend time and space, continuing on without fear of missing out.

I often see videos offering advice on how to attract and test true feelings in relationships using money or other tactics, but I can't fully agree with such approaches. The depth of a relationship is not solely determined by material or superficial means, but rather by the sincerity of the emotions involved. Using "clever tricks" or techniques might win you someone's heart temporarily, but as time goes by, will these two people truly achieve lifelong happiness?

The bonds between people are sometimes beyond prediction or control, often exceeding the notion of "interest exchange" or "value swap". Whether a relationship lasts long or is short-lived, what truly matters is how we perceive it. Genuine love is not about calculating what you give and what you receive; it's about tolerance, kindness, and cherishing the closeness and joy in the present moment. It’s about the joy, sorrow, resonance, and growth experienced together.

Approach love with a calm, selfless, open, and sincere heart — without debt and without attachment. When you cling to something, everything brings suffering; when you let go, you are reborn. Even if the day comes when you eventually part ways, you will still carry gratitude and warmth, maintaining beautiful memories and blessings for each other. This enriches your life experience. And when you decide to let go of someone or something, you are really letting go of the attachment within your own heart, giving yourself a chance to move on. Letting go means allowing yourself more possibilities for the future and giving others the freedom to find their own paths.

Master Hongyi said:

Any relationship, in the end, is merely an acquaintance.

Those with intentions will inevitably be burdened; those without intentions have no concerns.

Love comes willingly, without talk of debts.

With one thought, the ends of the earth are within reach; with one thought extinguished, the ends of the earth are far apart.

The fate of past lives, the encounter of this life, the glance of the next life.

Origins and endings are natural in fate; the depth of affection is beyond control."

About Marriage

Marriage differs from romantic love; it carries an additional weight of responsibility and ties. For most women, marriage is the most important choice in life, surpassing all others.

In our lifetime, we may encounter over 8 million people in the vast sea of humanity, greet over 4 million, become acquainted with nearly 3,600, and grow close to over 200. Yet, we form a lifelong partnership with only 1 or 2. Meetings and partings are inevitable; the vast majority of people will fade away like mere passersby in your life. Only those with the deepest bonds of fate will stay by your side. This may be a coincidence of the universe, or perhaps a destiny from a past life. The right person will eventually cross paths with you, while the wrong person will eventually drift away. Therefore, in this life, there's no need to deliberately meet anyone, nor should you force anyone to stay. Those who wish to stay cannot be driven away, and those who do not want to stay cannot be kept.

 "Lonely yang cannot exist, and solitary yin cannot grow." Mutual support is heaven's gift. In today's world where global divorce rates remain high (see Figure 9.4), if you find someone who loves you and whom you love, and you marry them, you must be grateful and cherish them.

Figure 9.4: Global divorce rate (accuracy cannot be verified)

Men build careers for their families, while women make their families their careers. On the surface, men work outside, women manage inside, creating a prosperous household. In fact, from ancient times to now, a wife's virtue determines a husband's fortune. Many men fail to understand that the women who live with you day in and day out, raise children with you, and care for the elderly are the ones you should cherish the most. The women who only spend your money, eye your house, use your car, and are only interested in being with you for a short time are the ones you should be wary of and keep at a distance. Therefore, "husband and wife" begins with the husband; the more you love your wife, the more respect your family and friends will have for you and your family.

Women are like water, and water represents wealth: "neglecting your wife will lead to losing wealth, but cherishing your wife will bring you abundant wealth." It is a woman's nature to support her husband, and it is the right path for a woman. An intelligent and joyful woman is the best feng-shui for a family, creating a high-energy magnetic field for the family, allowing the husband's career to thrive. It is often said, "Behind every successful man is a wise woman", illustrating the principle that "a harmonious family leads to prosperity".

A single hand cannot clap. Achieving a blissful marriage is not easy; it requires the wisdom of both partners and is truly rare and precious. There are countless examples of misplaced trust and imperfect marriages. In a marriage, four types of women often find themselves living a burdensome life: the overly understanding woman, the overly capable woman, the overthinking woman, and the overly emotional woman. The more you care about someone, the more you fear losing them; the more you love someone, the more humble you become in the relationship. Therefore, marriage is not a gamble; don't fear losing, don't deceive yourself.

Never regret being kind to others, even if you misjudge them, even if you're betrayed, even if your efforts come to naught; because your kindness to others stems not from their worth but from your own goodness. Don't fear losing because what's lost never truly belonged to you. Don't be afraid of being hurt, for perhaps this was a destined ordeal, and once it passes, blessings will follow. If you love, do not doubt; if you part, do not slander. Not all efforts yield returns, and not all sincerity is met with sincerity. Love comes from the heart, and there is no regret after the fact. Those with a heart will feel burdened; those without a heart will remain indifferent. After experiencing the warmth and coldness of human relationships, the comings and goings, and separations, one suddenly realizes that the recurring pain and torment are not caused by others, but by one's own obsession.

It is like the law of the universe: formation, existence, decay and emptiness. Family affection, love, and marriage accompany us for a while, but they all have an end. In the end, we are just as we were at the beginning—alone. Some fates are inherently thin and weak; whether you let go or not, the outcome was already determined.

Nothing remains unchanged; no one can always be there for someone else. Don't "only envy mandarin ducks, not immortals"; for when one of them leaves, the other often follows soon after. Do not waste each other in a marriage of compromise; let go of burdensome days, and even enjoying tea alone in the breeze can be very romantic. Don't change partners one after another; only when you change your understanding of marriage and relationships through enlightenment will marriage present itself in a truly happy manner.

Whether it's unrequited love or unfulfilled wishes, they are both common aspects of life.

Master Hongyi had a deep understanding of the word "emotion":

If the years are filled with love, let the heart follow the blooming flowers;

If people part and feelings cool, guard your heart and keep it warm.

If the heart awaits nothing, adapt to circumstances;

If powerless, go with the flow.

Willingness outweighs reluctance;

Acceptance justifies acquisition.

Meeting is because there are debts to be repaid;

Parting is because debts have been settled.

Fate brought me to see you in the crowd;

Fate dispersed, and I see you among the crowd.

Life is a journey of gaining and losing; of meeting and parting. Whoever you meet is the person destined to appear in your life, and it is never by chance—they will always teach us something. Destiny and emotions are the scenery on the road of life. The people we meet—all the warmth and cold should be experienced. There are always those who go from talking about everything to having nothing to say, from caring deeply to no longer staying in touch. Not all likes lead to outcomes; time and distance can turn the closest people into the most familiar strangers. We didn't say goodbye but understood not to disturb each other. "Once on board, forget the people onshore; once ashore, forget the events on board. The old need not know about the present, and the new need not ask about the past."

Heaven is also reminding each of us not to cling to these fleeting moments of love and affection. They only accompany us for a part of our journey, allowing us to engage in deeper spiritual practices through these people and events. The hope is that we can achieve a higher level of awareness on a spiritual level. The ultimate goal of life isn't to possess a flawless marriage, but rather, can we grow better through this marriage?

Taking care of our own health and emotions, accepting life's imperfections, and cultivating completeness within ourselves, we've won over half of this life's battle. By clearing a lot of karma and increasing our blessings and wisdom in this lifetime, we will have lived a life worth living.

In the time of fiery Nine Purple Star（九紫离火）, some women, despite being divorced and having endured hardships, still exude purity, kindness, peace and magnanimity, making everyone who approaches them feel like they are bathed in a spring breeze.

In fact, in every marriage, the hardest thing to let go of is not love, but family bonds. Children are the "hostages" and "sacrifices" in a marriage. As parents, unless there's truly no other option, who could bear to let them face pain alone? Children have no choice but to face the fate that is theirs. "Those who have not wept through the long nights cannot speak of life." A seemingly imperfect family might force them to mature and grow up earlier. Though it may seem that suffering comes too early in life, it might not necessarily be a bad thing.

I greatly admire Lin Huiyin's perspective on love. She always knew what she wanted but never forced it. "Understanding your unspoken words, appreciating your vast experiences, and respecting your uniqueness." Those who are transparent and clear-minded may not necessarily be very happy, but they are certainly not deeply miserable:

If you embrace me warmly, cherish me deeply, and protect me completely,

I'm willing to close my eyes and not distinguish whether you're human or ghost.

Whether you're sincere or indifferent towards me, my heart is like a clear mirror,

I'll pretend to be foolish just for my liking.

Both I and the spring breeze are just passers-by, while you hold the autumn water and embrace the starry sky.

I'm fortunate to have known you in this life; even if it's sorrowful, it is still love.

—— Biography of Lin Huiyin

About Wealth

As human beings, we are always striving to accumulate wealth. Each day, we pursue material gains—eating, working, sleeping, and repeating the cycle. This busy life of accumulating wealth consumes most people. Material possessions seem to hold much more importance than spiritual well-being. We envy others' wealth just as we might envy someone else's husband or children.

How much wealth does one need to be satisfied? This standard varies for everyone, but for most, it's far above their current situation. In reality, the key to contentment isn't the amount of wealth you have, but rather the gap between what you possess and what you expect to have.

Poverty is unbearable, riches don't bring joy; many people are uneasy both left and right. Wealth is like seawater — the more you drink, the thirstier you become. There are often examples where a small boss who was quite successful and self-satisfied, after attending private consultations or training, was told they could earn more money, expand their business, or even go public. The path then becomes far from easy, often leading to a life that ends in misery, with lost health and happiness.

The desire for wealth stems from one's inherent "greed". Once a person needs wealth to fill an inner void or give meaning to life, they become a slave to it. When desires are unmet, they naturally lead to suffering, endless worries, and a disruption of life's balance, affecting the energy they should naturally possess.

 

All those who stably possess a large amount of wealth in their lifetime must have corresponding blessings (or merits). Buddhists often liken a person's lifetime wealth to a "blessing jar", which is determined in size and capacity upon birth. The amount of blessings you have correlates with the wealth you possess. If you use it up quickly, there will be little left. However, remember there's the "Law of Goodness": when you benefit others, constantly do good deeds, the blessings in the jar will continuously increase. Therefore, people who regularly volunteer and engage in charity deeply understand the mysterious causality of "giving" and "receiving".

Money doesn't belong to those who possess it but to those who enjoy it. Riches without providing convenience and joy to oneself are akin to a horse carrying ten thousand ounces of gold, yet still foraging for grass to eat. Mr. Cao Dewang is wealthy, yet he doesn't care about dressing up, often seen muddy while shuttling around the construction site at Fuyao Institute of Technology, with only two pairs of shoes for changing. When asked what he would take if there were an earthquake and he could only take one thing, he didn't mention anything valuable but said: "The Diamond Sutra." He also enjoys good food and wine, saying with a smile, "Except what goes into the stomach, everything else is 'fake'."

Poverty is not a sin, and wealth is not shameful.If we approach money with a balanced mindset, most of us can live as kind and honest individuals. Prof. Zeng Shiqiang once said, "Smart people eat honest people's money, honest people rely on Heaven, but what does Heaven do? Heaven eats smart people's money." Indeed, smart people may profit from honest people, but Heaven also does not overlook the honest.

As Mencius said: "If you seek, you will obtain it; if you let go, you will lose it. Seeking is beneficial to obtaining when it comes from within, but seeking from outside is useless, as obtaining is predestined."

Wealth, in itself, is not the goal but a tool. If every penny you earn is the result of hard work, a fair exchange for value, and a solution to your own or others' problems, then you can enjoy it with peace of mind. However, money gained from lotteries, gambling, or unjust means can come with karmic consequences, depleting your blessings. Behind money usually lie products and service—if you perfect the products and services, the money will follow. Behind products and services lies the "mind"—if you cultivate your mind well, the products will be perfected. Behind the mind lies the "Tao"—once you comprehend the essence and truth of the world, you can live life with ease.

From now on, the era where material possessions determine happiness has come to an end; the era where the spirit determines happiness has arrived. Some people live peaceful lives without a permanent home, while others spend their lives running away, despite their luxury cars and mansions. A happy life never requires too much—whether you own vast fields, you still only eat three meals a day, and no matter how many houses you have, you still only sleep on one bed at night. The house you live in doesn't need to be spotless every day; as long as it feels comfortable, it's enough. As Tolstoy said: "In the end, all a person needs is three feet of earth." With a lifespan limited to a century, one cannot permanently possess wealth, merely its use for a few decades.

Money is like a bridge; earning money is crossing the bridge, and once you've crossed it, you reach the other side of life. First, settle your heart! If a person can achieve the state of not being pleased by external gains, nor saddened by personal losses—neither amplifying joy from praise nor diminishing oneself from criticism, neither becoming self-deprecating after losing money nor becoming obsessed with fame and fortune after gaining wealth — then this is the ultimate significance of wealth entering one's life!